Trauma - Homeboy Sandman.mp3

[00:00.000] 作曲 : Gavin Tennille
[00:23.079]I got trauma from my momma
[00:24.747]She used to beat me down as if she was the brown bomber
[00:27.262]I couldn't figure out a way to make her feel calmer
[00:30.082]I think about it now it kinda make me feel somber
[00:32.798]I used to think about it didn't make me feel nothing
[00:35.415]Acting like it mattered didn't make me feel tough and
[00:38.313]Feeling tough was really like my number one focus
[00:41.044]From growing up in a city lots of people feel hopeless
[00:43.806]And listening to music about sex and violence
[00:46.471]Just a matter of time 'fore we was like “let's try this ”
[00:49.181]Started having sex when I was 12 years old
[00:51.968]My brain wasn't even done growing
[00:54.732]Coming from a mom that used to wild and bug
[00:57.426]′fore I was a teen I really needed that love
[01:00.171]Two years later she would dump me for a senior
[01:03.021]Solidifying my misogynist demeanor
[01:05.737]Hearts that young aren't meant to be broken
[01:08.455]Later on I'd get into incessant weed smoking
[01:11.162]Now at 39 I still be wishing and hoping
[01:13.932]Somehow we wind up together I am not joking
[01:16.543]But lemme take it back before my parents got hitched
[01:19.290]My pop was with a woman then that had it all wrong
[01:21.974]By five years old I would already think about sex
[01:25.158]She used to let me h**p her legs when he was gone
[01:27.635]I know that sounds mad
[01:30.634]Under the sheets, rubbing my crotch against her calves
[01:32.991]I realize now I always knew that it was something bad
[01:35.647]'Cause up until this song I always kept it from my dad
[01:38.419]But how come any five year old would wanna h**p legs?
[01:40.797]I just might have to owe that to my neighbor next door
[01:43.671]He was a little older and a little more mature
[01:46.523]My mother caught us playing doctor I was only four
[01:49.261]Luckily she caught us ′fore we started using mouths
[01:52.112]But not before I found out how it felt to get aroused
[01:54.688]Now I think about it as a grown intellectual
[01:57.456]Life as a shortie shouldn't be so sexual
[02:00.292]I also shoulda never had to lie to bcs
[02:02.743]That type of thing could really bring a kid a lot of stress
[02:05.625]My mom had trauma too so she was only doing her best
[02:08.362]I feared that they were gonna take me out of my address
[02:11.067]No wonder my relationships with women always fail
[02:13.848]What′s crazy is I'm lucky 'cause at least I ′m not in jail
[02:16.470]Compared to everybody else I had it so easy
[02:19.239]Got family that was touched up by uncles that′s so sleazy
[02:21.959]Won't put they business in the street ′cause they know who they are
[02:24.660]The question I have trouble answering is who am I?
[02:27.373]For almost 40 years I was afraid to even ask
[02:30.137]My father always taught me men are not supposed to cry
[02:32.792]So every bit of pain I ever had I locked away
[02:35.518]But now I'm here to let you know that that is not the way
[02:38.239]I thought that I had tricked myself, thought I was being slick
[02:40.849]That fantasy departed when I started getting sick
[02:43.703]The doctors couldn′t tell me any way to make it stop
[02:46.289]My soul was under too much pressure it was gonna pop
[02:49.179]It turned out that the only way that I could ever heal
[02:51.990]Is start to work through all the trauma I had kept concealed
[02:55.952]It hasn't happened overnight
[02:57.461]I know that it might take a while
[03:00.216]May even take a life
[03:02.294]But one way or another I just gotta make it right
[03:04.197]Right?