A Big Black Lady Stops The Show - Martin Short/Marc Shaiman.mp3

[00:00.267]Hey hey, old man, it's time for you to shut up!
[00:04.294]Who the hell are you?
[00:06.050]Honey, don't you know what time it is?
[00:07.807]Check your watch, take your bow and get the hell out
[00:11.068]Hit it!
[00:13.828]Now the show's wrapping up
[00:16.586]You know what that means
[00:19.095]No matter the plot the sets or the scenes
[00:23.612]it's a Broadway tradition
[00:25.869]if the show needs some bling
[00:28.380]for someone like me to come out and sing
[00:34.907](take it home kid)
[00:52.435]Yes I have just one question
[00:57.452]Which I'll ask if I may
[01:00.213]why the hell did they name it
[01:02.221]the great white way
[01:04.229]'Cause if you want a hit
[01:06.487]learn what Sondheim doesn't know,
[01:08.493]and let a big black lady stop the show.
[01:15.777]Next, the audience will stand
[01:17.534]nobody ever dares walk out
[01:20.293]when a big bold mama starts to wail and shout
[01:24.811]if your plot’s running thin
[01:27.320]and your ticket sales are slow
[01:29.327]let a big black lady stop the show
[01:34.598]“Can I sing something from Toska?”
[01:36.356]No, it has to have some grit.
[01:38.865]“Can I dance a dream ballet?”
[01:40.622]Oh please, don’t bore us with that shit.
[01:42.881]You know the show is almost over,
[01:45.390]seems your star has up and died.
[01:48.154]It sure sounds like a cue to me,
[01:50.414]so white folks step aside.
[01:56.939]And just break out the organ,
[01:59.198]Go and grab your tambourine.
[02:01.457]Marty Short go have a coffee,
[02:03.853]And I’ll go get Ben Vereen
[02:06.112]All I ever get to play
[02:08.117]Are goddamn maids or tacky hos,
[02:10.375]but at least I get to stop the show.
[02:15.144]Now, if old Julie Andrews had a black maid in that play
[02:19.661]Well then, My Fair Lady would be still running today
[02:24.428]There won't be one seat left
[02:26.688]You'll be strictly SRO
[02:28.947]If a big black lady stops the show
[02:33.994]Now will somebody please explain
[02:35.752]why whether gospel or some blues
[02:38.261]These songs always written by some old fart, white gay Jews
[02:42.526]It's because they love that music and the way their profits grow
[02:47.296]When a big black lady stops the show
[02:52.063]“Can I sing some folk?”
[02:53.820]You're better off with R&B
[02:57.080]“Can we clap along?”
[02:58.336]All right, but not on one and three
[03:00.846]If you need some body humor or a dose of righteous rage
[03:05.866]Lose that pale face Sutton Foster and put me centre stage
[03:11.138]So Short, here's the deal.
[03:13.397]If you promise not to lie and just be yourself, we'll send you back.
[03:17.664]If not, then the hell with you. So what's it gonna be?
[03:23.689]I'll take that as a yes.
[03:26.199]And now I’ll tell you all
[03:31.970]You've got the power, you've got the power to bring Marty back,
[03:39.250]to bring him back, bring him back.
[03:42.011]All you gotta do is clap your hands,
[03:45.032]clap your hands, clap your hands.
[03:54.320]I am awake, I am alive,
[03:56.329]I am aglow
[03:58.336]Can we share one last riff before I go?
[04:05.363]Finally.
[04:39.498]Yes,
[04:40.503]A big black lady stops the show
[04:45.270]Yes, a big black lady -
[04:50.039]Yes, A big black lady stops the show -
[05:02.588]Top that, mother****er!