New York, Auschwitz and Babies - Louis C.K..mp3

[00:00.000] 作词 : Louis C.K.
[00:00.094] 作曲 : Louis C.K.
[00:00.189]I hate New York, I really do — I used to love New York, but I hate it now, I really — I’d rather be in Auschwitz than in New York City.
[00:05.502]Honestly, I would. I mean — I mean Auschwitz now. I mean, today Auschwitz.
[00:11.080]Not back when it was open. I mean, now — it’s nice now. There’s a gift shop.
[00:17.454]People go there on purpose. They buy tickets. I think that’s weird…
[00:23.564]That people buy tickets to Auschwitz. That’s weird.
[00:28.805]If you could have told those people back then,
[00:30.133]“People are going to buy tickets to come here.
[00:33.054]Wrap your head around that. Jew.”
[00:42.352]That’s — All right. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, never again, I promise.
[00:48.462]That’s what we say about the Holocaust: Never again, ’cause they killed six million Jews.
[00:55.367]If they only killed, like, 10,000, would it be like, “Okay, two more times,
[00:58.555]and then taper off because it’s a little much.”
[01:03.335]I’ll tell you, I went to Auschwitz — this is a true story, I actually did go to Auschwitz
[01:08.117]because I was doing shows in Poland because I had to go to Poland to do shows.
[01:15.952]So… [Laughter and applause] So…
[01:20.930]I was in Krakow. I was in Krakow, so I went to the camp, and I went there because of a very personal reason —
[01:25.978]because I had family there, I had a lot of family there.
[01:28.367]Forty-four members of my family were in Auschwitz during World War II.
[01:32.087]I mean, they were guards, they worked there.
[01:33.680]No, no, no, no. They were Jews and they died. It’s okay. Don’t be offended.
[01:38.197]It’s true. We lost the whole family there, everybody — the whole — because we were Hungarian Jews.
[01:44.835]My grandfather on my father’s side, he’s the only one who made it;
[01:48.556]the rest them, all 44 of them, went to Auschwitz, which I think they really regretted.
[01:52.805]But that’s — that’s what happened, because the Hungarians sent all their Jews to —
[01:58.382]They didn’t — they weren’t even occupied, Hungary, they’re just like, “Yeah, take — take our Jews.”
[02:01.571]And they sent my whole family there. And they were all — died in Auschwitz, all except for him.
[02:07.524]My grandfather’s the only one who made it. Because he got the **** out of there before it started —
[02:12.502]in the late ’20s, he ****ing smelled that shit and he got the **** out.
[02:16.220]And he went to Mexico. He migrated to Mexico.
[02:19.141]And we found his immigration card. My uncle and I did the family history and we found it.
[02:22.860]It says, “Nationality: Hungarian,” and it says,
[02:27.641]“Religion: Catholic.” And there’s a picture of him like.
[02:30.032][Laughter]
[02:34.283]He’s like, “**** it, they don’t know what a Jew looks like in Mexico — that’s where I’m going!”
[02:36.939]And that’s why I’m alive, because he made that choice. It’s also why I’m not Jewish,
[02:42.517]’cause he was like, “Jew-schmoo, we’re not ****ing Jewish.
[02:45.705]Somos catolicas.” That was my abuelito.
[02:51.282]Became a ****in’ Mexican fast.
[02:55.799]That’s what happened, that’s how he made it.
[02:58.188]Was a fascinating guy, my grandfather. His name was Geza. That was his name.
[03:02.704]And he had a brother named Geza. It’s weird, but I looked it up, and here’s what happened:
[03:10.407]His parents had a baby and they named it Geza, and it died — the baby died.
[03:15.189]So they had another one and they just said, “**** it, Geza, just do it again,”
[03:19.895]because that’s what it was like. Babies died, it was no big deal back then. It was just like, “Yeah, that was a shitty baby. Let’s do another one.”
[03:27.262]“Why’d your baby die?” “Because it sucked — Why does any baby die? At least we found out quick. **** it. This one’s good.”
[03:34.965]That’s what it was like forever until recently.
[03:38.418]The human race was all the good babies and the shitty ones, pbbt! That’s just the way it worked.
[03:42.669]It’s not like that now. Now we save every baby.
[03:46.653]The shittier the baby, the bigger the effort.
[03:49.574]Because we love it, we love saving the shitty babies.
[03:53.294]There’s always a documentary, “Look at this baby. He’s a ****ing mess. Do you see that shit?
[03:57.810]We’re gonna save it, make it live.”
[04:02.325]And the baby’s like, “Please don’t!”
[04:05.247]But we’d rather — we don’t like when babies die, we get more upset when a baby dies. Who knows this baby?
[04:16.138]“Did you hear about Jeff?” No, he was here for one day. Nobody met him.
[04:20.122]And then if you die when you’re old, nobody gives a shit. They’re lie, “Eh, he was here long enough, **** ’em.”
[04:28.622]You ever tell somebody, like, your grandmother di– “My grandmother died.” They’re like,
[04:33.137]“I’m so sorry. How old was she?” “She was 98.” “Oh. So why’d you even tell me?”